The end of September

As the last night of September draws to a close I find myself reflecting upon the happenings of the last month or so. Yesterday, I went to Irvine with some friends to the Jimmy Buffett show. My friend decided to take it upon herself to play matchmaker. I ended up giving my number to a guy who we were partying with in the parking lot, he wanted to come up to the lawn and find us. He called, but then he cut out, so he never found us. I didn't care, in all reality, I didn't really want him to come up, I was having a blast without him there and I didn't want him to come complicate things.
Today I got a text message from said guy, "Sorry, my phone died". I text him back and said that it was okay. He wrote back and asked "What are you doing tonight?" I didn't respond.

Feeling bad... kinda

Things with Ray have finally fizzled out I think. I haven't seen him in a while, but I had spoken to him a couple times last week. He called on Friday while I was at the Padres game, so I didn't get the call. Saturday I was at Street Scene, so I didn't call him back until Sunday. He hasn't called me back, so I guess that's that? Which is fine. I didn't really want to handle it that way. I wanted to tell him that I wasn't really interested in dating anyone right now. I didn't want to leave things this way... Poor guy, he was nothing but sweet to me and I didn't want things as much as he did, that's all.

Meanwhile, Brent and I have started a mild flirtation again. It's fun, I like it, I always have. He asked me about the Flower Guy yesterday. I said he was out. I got a pretty funny look that I couldn't read. When he asked what happened I told him nothing, it just wasn't there. And then I got another funny look. Who knows!

Late night thoughts

Yesterday my ex popped up online. He said hi and told me he had gone back to New York for Rosh Hashanah. I got to thinking about things. It's sort of a bad habit of mine. He recently got two kittens. Who watched them while he was out of town? Then it hit me as I sat and watched "Gray's Anatomy", if we had stayed together, I bet I would have been the person watching those kittens. I got mad for a second, thinking of all of the trips he had left me behind on, never getting an invitation to go back East to meet his family. But then, it hit me. I made the right decision! I chose to step away because I realized that I was not what he wanted, and more importantly I realized that he was not what I wanted. I didn't want to be with someone that didn't want to include me in his life like I included him (or at least tried).
I'm glad. It put me at peace to have this reiterated.

I got a happy feeling this morning

Why? Because Fall is here! I was cool last night, snuggled up under my covers (alone, and loving it). This morning I came out and my brother had "NFL Countdown" on. When I went and got a bagel at Einstein Bros. they have their "autumn blend" coffee out. It's Autumn in San Diego, and I couldn't be happier about it.

Hmmmm....

Just when I say, "I need some alone time, some Lily-time." Brent rolls by yesterday to invite me to Mexico with him on Saturday. Yes, I wanna go. DAMMIT! I already have plans though as my cousin whom I haven't seen in 7 years is in town. Can't go.
What is it about this guy? I can't figure it out...

Alone time

I'm so enjoying my alone time. Maybe too much lately. I've enjoyed going to visit my parents or grandparents at the drop of a hat. I love being able to hang out at my house or in my room all by myself or out with my brother and his girlfriend. I like not having to worry about entertaining someone else or stroking their ego.
I didn't see Ray this weekend, and it's not even like he's very high maintenance. It was nice to do my own thing on my own time.
I'm also extremely frustrated with men in general lately. The Kurt thing on Thursday night kinda kicked it into high gear. Aren't any of them good guys with good intentions? When they do have good intentions they just annoy me, I don't know what's wrong. I don't know if it's me. But I do know I'm very frustrated these days.

Boring days...

I've been sort of laying low lately. I don't really want or need the attention I've been receiving so I'm trying to hide out. Therefore, nothing good to report to the blog. I do have a story from this week though.
Yesterday, I was invited by Kurt to have a beer with him and his buddy down at the Waterfront. Kurt and I have been talking and hanging out on a friend level so I figured it sounded safe enough. I walked in, and didn't feel safe. I was getting weird looks from Kurt, and his buddy was making references to Kurt and me doing things together or hanging out. I had a couple beers and when I was getting up to go to the restroom Kurt leans across the table and says "Come here". I asked "What?" at first I thought he was gonna gossip about his buddy or something, and then I caught on. I playfully slapped his face twice and said "No, no." and hopped off my stool and went to the bathroom. He wanted to kiss me. He's such a pain in the ass. I need to not hang out with him I guess. It's too uncomfortable and weird and frustrating and annoying now.

Holiday weekend dilemma

Yesterday I went to dinner with Ray. It was nice, we went to Pampa's an Argentinian grill. My heart is not in this however. It's time for me to cut him lose. I just have to get up the nerve. He asked me last night if I'd go shopping with him today, I agreed, this boy needs all the help he can get fashion-wise. He hasn't called though and now I'm getting ready to go to the pool. I think I am going to go to the Padres game tonight with my brothers also, so there goes that window of opportunity. Tomorrow is the racetrack day, he bought us tickets a while ago for this Double-Decker bus to take us to the races and back at the end of the day. It's through this bar by his house that he really likes going to and he's very excited about it. I already told him I'd go, so I feel obligated, plus he paid $40 for my ticket already. I don't really want to though. See why I just need to end it? But when? How? What is my excuse?
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